Should we be forced to care for our elderly parents?

Each person has to earn his livelihood with the sweat of their own forehead. So it is the responsibility of the parents to work for themselves and save something for the retired life. This will create the life of persons more happy and secure. Now the parents expect that children should take care of them. It shows their non-productivity and desire to live with out work. The childrens needn't carry this burden on their soulders. Similarly the parents needn't carry the burden on their shoulders the expenses of a child who is aged 18. It is the right and duty of every person to work and live in this world.

sarika in Britain children are not bothered about parents & it is Ok if the rule is made in Britain
In india it is different, parents are taken care by children not out of compulsion but out of respect go to any rural area , village and see it , i have seen that in my native place

Britain needs it becasue parents turn children out by 18 and they are on their on so in turn children turn parents out when they are 60

In India it is not so parents dont throw children out and so they dont get thrown out in turn

Hi guys

just seen a note my argument is for future dont bring the law in as the parents of today (<45) are not ready to go for family, if they just a kid and want to keep their fun, basically the parents disturb the upbringing of the kid.  No play, no fun just growing either with maids or with kid zone, this is all being done for both want to be employed (not bother to take care of the kid) make money and try to compensate their absence with toys and cookies.  These parents cant expect the kid takes care in future, you pay and dividend comes to you, basically ROI.

cheers

bala

Please note that I am only sharing my thoughts on this debate. My belief is that children have a moral obligation to love and take care of their parents(old) regardless of their  behaviour, they gave birth to you. Possibly put their dreams and wants aside to raise you. We are all imperfect and don't always make the right choices and decisions. None the less, if your parent wasn't the perfect example of a parent, you were still born and made it to today.

It is expected that the sons should take on this role,however from my experience you find that daughters are really the ones who really make time for their parents .In some cases the son's wife cannot get along with her in-laws and still cause problems between the son and his parents. Some parents get dumped in old people homes although they have wealthy children. Fortunate are those parents who are wealthy and do not need children to take care of them.

Hi

Recently one of my relatives (who was at very senior position in Government) passed away but the only Son couldn’t come for father cremation from US,  another incident the only daughter married and divorced living away but is not available to see the last days of parents.  

It is all happening due to our choices

            We don’t want more than one kid so that we could earn and take care better

            Have fun and less burden – okay a lot not to mention

If we are selfish the blood pass on to generation they too selfish and doing well not in a position to make it and reach for any urgent attention.  Good our society has some relatives and known circle otherwise we will be like one living in Florida.  

I may suggest let the parents be careful and work towards their retired life and care, let the government and NGO could come up with senior citizen home so that we have company, good fun of the same age group.

cheers and ready for future fun

bala

Why anyone needs to be forced to take care of their own parents? Did our parents were forced to do so? They did it because we are there own children and of their love and affection towards us. Nobody told them to take care of their own children. So, why anyone should be forced. Its a natural process...First parents take care of us, and when they are old, its our duty to give them all the comforts of life and keep them always happy!!!!

The thing is that forcing never leads to love ,  Children who truly love their parents will never leave them and those who don't take care of thier parents will surely get it back.Adding on about making laws ,its never followed here ,so why to make a joke of it. 

I think it makes no difference,making rules,since people are meant to break it..Its ones duty to care for their elderly parents.Every one has to attain that stage one or the other day, so definitely they have to understand that,its their duty.We would not come to this world without them, no body else can fill their place.That love should come from the heart not rules.I think one who doesn't have time or money to look after their parents, are those who who lack humanity.

Parents in the age we are talking about just don't need  physical and monetary support but emotional too.Love and care cannot be forced onto someone.You can  make a law  for children to keep parents in house but cannot make law to make them feel at home. These things are to inculcated at very young age.It has to be part of our culture.Children to be made empathetic to the needs of their parents in old age.This can be achieved by counselling and not by law.

Lalitha wonderful points, I throughly agree with you. Yes these are not things that should be forced, everyone should posses their own responsibility. If a person is forced to do something he will not do it whole heartedly. So according to me we should not force the children to take care of their parents.   

The most simple thing that we forget is that children do the same what they have seen from their parents or in simple words history repeats itself. So if children are made up in such an environment, then parents need not worry abt the behavior of children in near future. Parents should love children but this should not be assumed to fulfill every want of child. Unnessary wants must be resisted also by elders which will thereby generate a feeling of respect in child' heart. Remember never do anything  which you do not want from your child to do.

As the saying goes old age is second childhood it is obligation of the children to take of the aged parents this need taught as in school curriculum form a very young age so it would happen naturally what is good is a law in matters of emotional issues such as this

Can you force someone for love?

I suppose no. Better for the elderly parents to be alone (having own resources or community support) than be bounded to younger relatives, feeling to be prisoners.

Of course, if young people prefer don't have any "obligation", well it's perfectly a matter of balanced justice that they will not receive from elder parents any benefit (goods heritage). In this case, community has to help eleder people to resist stressing requests coming from these "less than lovable" (and only formally) relatives.

My 2 cents

Sir,

I am going behind you definitely.  It should come within not by force or threat.  What law can ensure is only monetary benefit.  Who wants that?  Will that money heal the wounds of the old's heart or feelings.  As has been rightly mentioned by One Doctor caring by caring.  Moral values deteriorated, youth thought they will remain youth for ever, if they start think that they also will be older after some years, then these topics wont arise.

Dear Mr. Sharma ,

The crucial words here are "forced to care". Can anyone , both those supporting this debate , as well as those arguing against , suggest the legal framework which will ensure this ?

The law can force a child to pay for , support monetarily , his / her parents and grandparents. But "care for" ? I don't think so. As you yourself say , monetary support is not everything. Emotional support cannot be guaranteed by the law. This is something which has to come from within.

Sarika, the logic advanced to force children to care for their parents and grandparent confounds me. Your posted article says that the children should repay what their parents (free care) did for them. As if everything could be measured in terms of money! What if children paid for the care of their parents as many do. Are they not guilty of neglect? The issue is not of repaying 'free care' with 'free care' but of caring with caring, I think. 

Yes, I fully agree with your views. Today in every field of life " Everybody expect DANDE KE JORE PE " I don't know how you can get affection or love or the respect for younger or older unless untill there is give and take.

Dr. Mukesh Raghav

I thnk there is no law which can make people love and respect olders, except they hv been looked after in tht manner which teach them to take responsibility of their elders. Making such artificial link would not work. Of course, there should be and there are rules to financial compensate them in their time of need but any artificial relation can't be imposed.It should be natural. Good cultured people need not to ask for this, and rest can easily avoid it. How can some monitor the right implementation of such laws.They will result in mantle torture of elders. 

There is absolutely no need to make a law for this.  We know pretty well about the laws of this land which will be only printed neatly and not effective.  It is high time, to educate the kids from the school about taking care of the parents, grand parents and so on.  No moral education now-a-days - minds are devilished by the serials, computerized videos etc.  Only if the attitude of the individuals should change.  This can be achieved by videos or serials respecting elders.  It is evident in India due to multiplicity of many aged homes mushrooming up in all parts of our country.  None of the laws of this country is effective.

Chandramouli.

The subject is about taking care of some one. It is not a pet, a fellow human being. It pertains to your own parents. It requires patience, understanding the requirements, understanding the generation gaps, it requires concern. Without any one of these, it becomes a forced activity. Once it becomes forced, it loses its significance and the purpose.

One realizes about it only when one steps into the relevant shoes. Any kind of goading will not help. Once it is treated as a burden, the purpose and the philosophy behind is lost.

One needs to compare the old with the children. The love, the care we take for our children, some time or the other our parents would have taken for us. We may sometimes feel that we shold not be a burden to our kith and kin. Did we feel so when we took care of them when they were of tender age??

Recognition of the fact that one day we will be like our parents, is sufficient enough to realize the need to be taken care. It is not the money, fame and name that will take care of us. It is the love, affection and belongingness which sees us through our times of old age.

To achieve this, one needs to work from the time children are born, teach them the value systems. Constant preaching and practicing on our elders by our own selves, being watched by the children, is the surest way of practising what we preach.

Parents should be taken care off, is correct. This is the duty of children.

Parents take pain to see their children on the top and they do every thing to see this.

In my opinion enforcing a Law for this is no good. This is the4 sense of duty & it should come from within.

Comparing parents with God is good but not in every case [see news, father rap……daugh…..] so one should be strict to his/her duty towards their elders be it Parents or Grand parents. If parents are looking for Ram then Dashrath should be their also. Things have changed but one should not run from his/her duties.

Forcing such a law is not the solution. One should understand the development in human nature as its age increases, as well as understanding there physical development.

Forcing such thing will only increase friction between and help increase the understanding gap between the two.

So it is better to increase understanding between the two and not to force any such law making the younger generation feel more pressure and make a mess. 

In my humble opinion - the question is wrongly phrased.

Force in any activity is wrong - be it education for children, a career choice, etc. Only impersonal things can be forced, everything else has to be voluntary. The appreciation that what you are today is because of your parents has to come from within/be self-realized.

Eventually they all learn it the hard way, of reaping what they have sown. Divine justice does prevail. 

In indian context i feel we should not force to support. we as parents are looking our children not because it is required in law and simmerly it is made concious in our mind that it is our duty to look after our parents.Making law is not sufficient as we will have to make an agency for compliance of such law.  Do we have resources and will for making compliance.   

The approach to this REAL problem has to be pragmatic and lots of factors should be considered before deciding any course of action.

a. In India what we are seeing is "Rise of individualism" which was the foundation stone of USA.  The present generation wants to lead a markedly different life style than what the previous generation even dreamt off. This is what we termed as "generation gap" in the 70s and 80s. The friction that is bound to be generated because of this has to be addressed both by the parents as well as by us. Only then can we live together.

b. With migration for work/careers to bigger cities, it is difficult for most individuals to find decent accomodation due to the humongous costs so having a joint family is simply ruled out. It becomes much easier to send some fixed amount back home rather than have your parents live here as even they would not find it very comfortable.So the moral here is that now the way we live is controlled by how much we earn which was not the case earlier.

c. Of course if all are ready to compromise at various levels then sure .. even with all the limitations we could have joint families.

Ha ha ha...the law! there r already law on all areas but lawlessness is the current trend of the societies. singapore is better as wefind law abiding education and law enforcing administration.

   There are hard days for both grand parents as well as coming generations.  Globalm migration of children has become common .how the coming generation can coop up with the situation. I know a young man with such migration went to Australia. Parents were from Vietnam, he sincerely desired to keep his parents happy but could not.

Change is a phenomenon. It is in each & every  field. some of the changes are suited but others are not. we must accept it and find out different ways to allow the changes their natural flow. Resistance creadted by different sources like making a law or several others will be wiped out  finding their own course.

    Our culture in India had deep roots for the cause like this, but it is crumbling down slowly. Earlier it was joint families, a great shock absorber system to stresses at different levels. It has now been a subject of social research. So is the care of grand parents, they become so fragile & incapicitated that even some one shoud give them water. how one thins of getting the protection of law even if it is made?

This trend started in India from the day we started to become westernised. I think rather than enforcing any law, our children should be introduced with their actual culture of serving parents is the best way. The feeling of "parents are equal to god" should be injected in their minds right from their childhood or else merely by enforcing them, we can change their actions not their hearts which won't let their parents stay in peace even in the association of their children.

 I agree with Sarika. By making law only, things can not be done, in India many laws are available against many unethical practice, but everybody knows, that there is problem with implementation & monitoring part. I feel the solution is we have to take this issue very seriously, & need to check in our education system, society & professional culture. From childhood, the education system need to focus on this issue & society should react & try to reject such people & in same manner in professional arena also. In US, this system has already in practice from last two years, peoples who do not take care of their parents, rejected by society as well as organization under corporate social responsibility. Its natural, that if a person cannot take loyal or responsible to their parents, also cannot loyal to society & organization. To survive caring for aging parents, we must have an understanding of the past. Growing older is a foregone conclusion from the moment of birth. While younger, we frequently asserted that, as we grew older, we would not act this way or be guilty of that behavior. As we started families of our own, our parents took on the newly-defined-but-significant role of grandparents. We placed great emphasis on their involvement in the lives of our children and proudly called them "grandparents." By the time our children become teenagers, their attitude towards grandma and grandpa alternate between genuine warmth, tolerable amusement, and maybe covert disrespect.

Meanwhile, we try to "keep the peace" and bridge the generation gap. We remind our children that times are changing and that grandma and grandpa are no longer young