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The Ten Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People

 

 

 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

A form of intelligence relating to the emotional side of life, such as the ability to recognize and manage one's own and others' emotions, to motivate oneself and restrain impulses, and to handle interpersonal relationships effectively.

  • Originated by Daniel Goleman, psychologist, denoting the cluster of traits/abilities relating to the emotional side of life
  • major components of emotional intelligence: knowing our own emotions, managing our own emotions, motivating ourselves,recognizing the emotions of others,and handling relationships

High EQ people:

1. Label their feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.

"I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous."

"I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk."

"I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like a idiot."

2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.

Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that

Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)

3. Take responsibility for their feelings.

"I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous."

4. Use their feelings to help them make decisions.

"How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't"

5. Show respect for other people's feelings.

They ask "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't."

6. Feel energized, not angry.

They use what others call "anger" to help them feel energized to take productive action.

7. Validate other people's feelings.

They show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.

8. Practice getting a positive value from their negative emotions.

They ask themselves: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?"

They ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"

9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.

They realize it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of such behavior, so they avoid it.

10. Avoid people who invalidate them, or don't respect their feelings.

As much as possible, they choose to associate only with other people with high E

Steve Hein, The EQ Institute -

 

 Top Comment : Vic Williams   | 04 18 2010 23:03:30 +0000
When are smart people dumb, and dumb people smart? If one is coaching or training someone else in emotional intelligence, they might do 'stupid'/ low EQ things per the chart. And, as de Bono teaches, a lot of decisions are based on perspective. Perspective may appear to induce low EQ. Eg a manager may see something and automatically invoke a company rule. The HR people have said that rule is necessary. It could be that a shift in perspective would let the manager step back to step in before the rule needs to be applied and use the situation as a teaching about the situation, and the rule to be avoided.
 
5 comments on "Are You Smart-----Emotionally!!! (Pls ignore previous)"
  Commented by  Dhiraj Wohra, Manager BD, SAM PLACEMENTS    | 04 19 2010 18:49:13 +0000
This is conscience. What our parents try to teach us when we are young and what we expect from everybody other than us. :-)
  Commented by  James Hindman, Principal, The Hindquarters Group, Inc.    | 04 19 2010 15:42:49 +0000
Rating : +1 
This is what is commonly called "drug store psychology"...greatly valued by professional "presenters" and motivational speakers...as well as gullible audiences made up of middle-level managers and HR specialists, all looking for quick fixes...but is about as useful as is its true basis in reality.  
  Commented by  Ajay Ziz, Deputy Registrar, University of Jammu    | 04 19 2010 06:53:51 +0000
williams .. your 1st 2 lines have explained beautifully the crankshaft behavioural looping halo effect ..

but i am no fan of bono .. pl. excuse ..
  Commented by  Nitin M Aras, Head/VP/GM-Tech. Support, Wintech Taparia Limited    | 04 19 2010 05:49:00 +0000
Thanks for such a nice information Ujjaval
  Commented by  Vic Williams, Coach - Consultant , A Process Coach    | 04 18 2010 23:03:30 +0000
Rating : +1 
When are smart people dumb, and dumb people smart? If one is coaching or training someone else in emotional intelligence, they might do 'stupid'/ low EQ things per the chart. And, as de Bono teaches, a lot of decisions are based on perspective. Perspective may appear to induce low EQ. Eg a manager may see something and automatically invoke a company rule. The HR people have said that rule is necessary. It could be that a shift in perspective would let the manager step back to step in before the rule needs to be applied and use the situation as a teaching about the situation, and the rule to be avoided.
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