Coded reference letters:

As perceived by Nury Vittachi.

The job market is the most lucrative market as there is always a hunt for the right job and right candidate. Here are few adjectives for jobbers which help them to translate its true or hidden meanings when one reads these phrases in one’s reference letter.

First, the adjectives: “Loyal” means couldn’t “get a job anywhere else”. “Quick thinker” means “comes up with amazing excuses for failing every task”. “Ambitious” means  “obnoxious.” “Aggressive “ means “highly obnoxious.” “ Has leadership qualities” means “highly obnoxious and very tall.

Then comes the phrases describing personal qualities: “Good communicator” means “she is the office gossip”. “Team Player “means “Bone idle when left to himself”. ‘Social” means “heavy drinker”. “Works hard, plays hard”, means a “certified alcoholic”.

Then the phrase of describing work  habits: “self -starter” means “runs his own small business on office time and things we don’t know.” “Good sense of humour” means “Spends his time forwarding joke mails.” “work long hours means “always misses deadlines.”

Particularly important are phrases showing “grey skills: “Good negotiations skills” means expert in bribery.” “Good deal maker” means “expert in corruption” “never takes no for an answer” means “expert in blackmail” First in the office every morning” means “works as an industrial spy checking you out on behalf of your competitors.”

Then there are the phrases giving clues about the candidates’ personal qualities: ‘” Has long list of qualifications” means “spent 10 years in university because he was unable to tear himself away from beer, bowling and bars.” “Meticulous” means covers his track well.” And “Live wire” means sexual harasser.”

The most dangerous phrase to find in a referee letter, “Fun to have around” means “this guy is completely useless but he’s a friend of my daughter so I promised to write a positive reco.