If they call you a Monkey, show them you are a Chimpanzee

I have always tried to locate that vital link between man and monkey, for which I have had in this part of the world, virtually innumerable human specimens, but not adequate monkeys. Yes, I do have Macaques and Langurs here, still without the big anthropoid apes my search is stalled, as these are the ones that seem closest to the human beings; at least according to the evolution charts. It is also a pity that me, belonging to the great Indian proletariat, cannot pay for a trip to Africa or the Australasian islands to locate a couple of chimps or Orangs. Now you might just counter me pointing at the fast diminishing Gibbon population in our very Assamese jungles. I promise you to answer to that later here.

To be honest, I was always badgered by my schoolmates – and teachers – by using the term monkey. Although I initially disliked being called thus, gradually developed an affinity towards it; particularly after being informed for the first time about the Legend of Hanuman. And, I even started secretly thanking those people who called me a monkey. This was the reason why I was taken by surprise a couple of years back seeing Andrew Symonds driven to the wit's end after being called a monkey by our own Harbhajan Singh. What pandemonium had followed? It ended in Sachin's – now he will be known for his mendacity among the ICC circles - hurling a blatant lie – that it was not 'monkey' but 'maa ki' - at the ICC jurors' desk conspicuously to placate them.

I seriously prayed then for someone showing the sensibility to narrate Hanuman tales to Symmonds, which could definitely have mollified him. However, later I saw that Symmonds despite being no longer at loggerheads with Bajji, started showing his dissent towards none else but Cricket Australia. It was then someone really sensible – no not Harsha Bhogle – made out from Symmonds' body language, “Mr Singh had only once called me a Monkey, but my team mates might have done that a million times at the expense of Mr Singh. After all what is there between me and Mr Singh? Both of us are monkeys to them. In fact, they have all sorts of evidences to substantiate that ranging from our reduced foreheads to obtruding jaws and dark complexion.”

The real Homo sapiens' saying that the Australoids and Negroids have not completed the evolution formalities to catch up with them the Caucasoids, absolutely hold a point; that these two backward races are pretty lagging behind the superior one in every aspect of life, from discoveries and inventions to sports and even holocausts. This may be why our people in the sub-continent are largely taking to 'lebensraum concern' although pretty lately after the fair skins have almost given up the theme being cloyed with high doses of which in the past. Lebensraum is simply living space in German, for securing which living beings could go to any extent. To be more precise, this had happened in the American continents, islands of Australia and New Zealand, Germany, Russia, and quiet a number of places in the Indian sub-continent as well, with one result in common – carnage.

We have also had – still having - our chunk of lebensraum struggles here in the very land of holy hermits, starting from the partition triggered massacres to the killing of tens of thousands in the name of religion, caste and class. This may be one reason for my dilly-dallying when I was asked if I thought more and more people in India were turning segregationists, by one of my friends. But I do have something to tell her that this may be one reason for my not being able to carry out the evolution research with the Gibbons of the North East; that the evergreen jungles there, although scarcely populated with the hominids are highly infested by the lebensraum activists. You may conveniently call them terrorists.

I have more to tell her that today I am afraid of uttering even a word against the prevailing system- what you optimistically call unity in diversity. However, I take the liberty to call this patched up unity, 'the ground reality', any one trying to oppose which would be put to scourge. Meanwhile, have a look at the good old carriers of this theory, some countries that have had between them a hundred year war, nations that have virtually bathed in blood just half a century back, currently co-operating to the extent to form a profound union with a single common currency. If my friend asks me would this not happen here, I will have to admit to her that our monkey traits will never allow us to do so, instead we love dabbling in the filth of 'ground realities' to pick a brawl at at the next given opportunity.

Now she knows what to do next without being advised by me; struggle to evolve into a chimp at the earliest, for by at least the next shuffle we can catch up with them comprehensively. Until then, happy picking a gauntlet...the very next one thrown at you, let whoever be the thrower...even one of your kins.. and celebrate the glorious 'Monkeydom'.