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THE BEAUTY OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE UNDONE
 
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
 
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
 
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
 
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
 
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
 
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English could be running the danger of being called verbally insane.
 
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
 
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
 
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
 
I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN
PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS!!!
 Top Comment : Paresh.Khanchandani    | 03 09 2010 15:29:25 +0000
THE BEAUTY OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE UNDONE We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England ..We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English could be running the danger of being called verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on. And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop? I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS!!!
 
11 comments on "Only Britishers could have invented this Language"
  Commented by  Kashif Billal, Design Manager, Fashion Designer    | 03 10 2010 06:58:14 +0000
Beautifully architectured Article. You Roxx Paresh. :)
  Commented by  Navjeet Sood, Business Head, ADI Media Pvt Ltd    | 03 10 2010 06:23:26 +0000
Quite funny language surely this is. A necessary evil one can't stay without in today's world. Good attempt to document the creation of ENGLISHMEN, Paresh.
  Commented by  Sujeet Vishwakarma, Marketing Executive/ Project Co-Ordinator, Pristine Water    | 03 10 2010 01:39:21 +0000
Rating : +1 
Paresh your insight is really great...

I feel English Language began with selection of sounds to frame alphabets and signs. Then people went places and picked words. All the words were taken as they were (in writing and speaking in their 26 alphabet draft). English contains more borrowed words than any other language... maybe that makes it so odd/ expansive/ confusing/ great.

Thanks for the post.
  Commented by  Devi Kaladeen, Audit Manager, Health Sector Development Unit    | 03 09 2010 21:36:18 +0000
Rating : +2 
My God...so much for English Language.......but I still love it.
  Commented by  Paresh.Khanchandani, Process Manager, E-Procurement Technologies Limited    | 03 09 2010 18:44:21 +0000
Rating : +1 
Very True Mr. Aras !!
We are good in Hinglish.....LOL
  Commented by  Shehla, Analyst, Hewitt Associates    | 03 09 2010 18:02:06 +0000
Rating : +1 
Very true...This is fabulous!!!
Even the Britishers there dont know how to speak their mother tongue, I have been talking with a lot of them and they have made it more funny with all kind of grammatical errors...the artical is AWESOME!!!
  Commented by  Nitin M Aras, Head/VP/GM-Tech. Support, Wintech Taparia Limited    | 03 09 2010 16:54:16 +0000
Rating : +1 
I will try my best to have good english from India not from england. it is quite confusing better to have HINGLISH so no confusion .... American have their english so austries have their own ... better we should have our own i.e. HINGLISH ... what do you think?
Rating : +1 
Nice one Paresh!
Want to still read more!! . See this link below (Courtesy: Alka Thakur) 
http://toostep.com/insight/you-think-english-is-easy

:-D
  Commented by  varsha, Head/VP/GM-Quality, frac    | 03 09 2010 15:51:47 +0000
Rating : +1 
lol nice lines..

I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN
PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS!!!

thanks paresh.
  Commented by  Karuna, Analyst, Hewitt Associates    | 03 09 2010 15:37:56 +0000
Rating : +1 
really thoughful,,,thanks for sharing
  Commented by  Paresh.Khanchandani, Process Manager, E-Procurement Technologies Limited    | 03 09 2010 15:29:25 +0000
Rating : +2 

THE BEAUTY OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE UNDONE
 
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
 
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
 
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
 
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
 
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
 
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English could be running the danger of being called verbally insane.
 
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
 
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
 
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
 
I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN
PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS!!!
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Thank you for bringing this article, very useful!!!
Mr. Aras: Long time, Thanks for your comment..
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