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REALITIES OF LIFE

 
Industry : E-commerceI Functional Area : India
Activity:  20 comments  517 views  last activity : 07 06 2010 20:18:04 +0000
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The art of saying 'sorry': an apology can be incredibly powerful—for you, as well as the recipient.

 

"I'm sorry." Why are those two little words so difficult to say? Perhaps it’s because they hold such power. An honest apology can mend relationships, dissolve anger, soothe shattered pride or heal a broken heart. Apologizing can even have health benefits, such as lowering stress levels. Meanwhile, avoiding an apology makes relationships more strained -- and it can reveal something negative about you.

There are three keys to a successful apology: regretting your actions, taking responsibility for them and being willing to remedy the situation.

If two parties are equally at fault, it's still up to one person to initiate an apology. "All you can do is take responsibility for your part,". But you can do so in a way that opens the door for the other person to apologize as well. For example, you might say, "I believe that we owe each other an apology and I'm going to start by saying I'm sorry for what I did wrong." In this case, you must also approach the situation without resentment, truly accept your part in it and be ready to forgive the other person.

There is a chance that, despite your apology, the other person is simply too upset over what's happened and isn't ready to let it go. So, it's important that you do not expect the other person to forgive you. "That's not your motive,". If your apology isn't accepted, try to take solace in the fact that you've done all you can, and hope that in time the other person will come around. If not, you'll still feel better for admitting your fault and for having had enough empathy to see how your actions have affected someone else.

Finally, don't apologize for something if you don't feel you're in the wrong. "Women especially have a tendency to over-apologize,". So please make sure you're actually responsible for a problem before you try to solve it with "I'm sorry."

Another time to stop? When the apology itself is harshly rebuked. "At that point, it's time to say, 'Yes, I did this, but this person isn't giving me any room at all,'". Taking a step back may seem like giving up on the relationship, but it isn't. Sometimes keeping quiet; after you've said all you can, is as powerful as speaking up.

Article by Maria Neuman

Los Angeles

 Top Comment : Paresh.Khanchandani    | 07 08 2009 10:05:43 +0000
A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.....
 
20 comments on "The art of saying 'sorry'"
  Commented by  L. GOPI, Manager - Project Execution, Sequent System Intigrators Pvt. Ltd    | 06 21 2010 05:50:02 +0000
Beautifully explained, I call it as art of saying sorry. Acceptance of the mistakes done and expressing the same from the bottom of the hear to person will definitely make him understand that he can take up the responsibility.
Very Nice postings indeed....Alka..!! 
  Commented by  virender kumar, REGIONAL BUSINESS MANAGER, CELON LABS LTD    | 05 05 2010 14:55:25 +0000
saying soory is the art of foolish person and the whom who is accepting soory is also grat foolish rather in sipte of sying soory one should go for with solution of the problem or fault which has create aloss or alternate to compensate to that loss ,i think is the grater than soory and i never accept soory from anybody rather a solution of that loss 
  Commented by  s.baalu, SALES,MARKETING,FINANCE,ADMINISTRATION CONSULTANT, DASPAN INDUSTRIES LTD    | 05 05 2010 14:16:47 +0000
feeling sorry is only the start.what is more important  is developing the courage to say sorry to the aggrieved person.
  Commented by  Vivek Singh, Construction Manager L&T    | 07 18 2009 10:14:05 +0000
Learn what Alka wants to tell but please do not try to CREATE opprtunities to practice it..I mean...Ithink you got it.
  Commented by  Dhananjay Raturi, Head of the Department, XYZ    | 07 18 2009 07:42:30 +0000
Nice article!

Just to add my two cents to a subtle difference between feeling sorry and saying sorry

while saying sorry can be an art, 
feeling sorry comes from the heart

  Commented by  suraj naik, Graphic/Web Designer, CSSAGlobal    | 07 13 2009 08:23:59 +0000
Rating : +1 
Seems you are a HR person..great article
  Commented by  Preeti Bhardwaj, MCA student, Jaipuria Institute Of Management,Ghaziabad    | 07 12 2009 07:25:20 +0000
Rating : +1 
i m agree with sachin. saying sorry is not so easy.it's very difficult to accept your mistakes coz we only view the others fault but i think thinking with cool mind can solve all the problems and keeping aside your ego and saying sorry makes you more mature.sometimes saying sorry without having your mistakes can do the work of breaking the ice.the point is these words can make or break any relationship.
Hi Devi, sorry helps but as you said only if apologized timely and sincerely!!
  Commented by  Devi Kaladeen, Audit Manager, Health Sector Development Unit    | 07 09 2009 14:06:02 +0000
Rating : +1 
Thanks for the referral. However, do you think saying sorry really helps? Some people apologise as a matter of formality. Apology if sincere should be made in a timely manner.
  Commented by  Makrand Bhave, Sales Promotion Manager, XYZ    | 07 09 2009 12:47:24 +0000
Well here comes the recepient and the who has done it in the past 24 hours :)) Need I say more about this article??? Believer in t already! :))
  Commented by  Ajay Ziz, Dy. Registrar, university of jammu    | 07 09 2009 12:25:12 +0000
Rating : +1 
My guruji once told me a story  in the upper regions of PAHALGAM ( kashmir valley )year : 1994

narada , once was smitten by a beauty , meditated and lo requested lord to make him kamadeva to realise his objective :::
wish grated :::
narada , extremely delighted went to the site of swayamvara and anticipated that the beauty will wed him for sure :::
alas , she went to sri hari instead ::
narada , saw his face in the mirror and what he saw was a monkey ::
moral ::: we all have monkey minds :: sitting on one branch and perpetually shifting hither & thither ::( there is a difference betweemn a guru and a guru :: a devotee should have the inner eye to segregate the real from the fake )
By the way :: there is a beautiful song of  ALI AZMAT ( cassettes available in DUBAI)::
i am a junkie ( computers one ) , i gotta go , as i am a monkey :::
we goottoo practice before we preach :: okay naa :: guru ji::
  Commented by  Dayanand Deshpande, Senior Consultant, Ernst & Young    | 07 09 2009 12:10:49 +0000
Great explanation....I like it !!!
  Commented by  Jitendra Singh, SBU/Profit Center Head ETA Dubai    | 07 09 2009 11:11:58 +0000
Alka,
My Guruji tought me "Never tell a monkey...that he is a monkey !--- Why ??--- because as soon as you tell him so, he will start behaving like one ... and might hurt you !"
Sometimes we find monkeys dressed up like gentlemen. And it is difficult to identify them. but, their actions often disclose their true identity ! AND, the best course to avoid them is to say "sorry". 
you did that !!
So, now we know another dimension of saying "sorry".
Definition : The expression "Sorry" can be used to avoid a monkey-in-disguise from continuing his monkey-like behaviour with you, in future !
Ok na !
  Commented by  Viktor Stephen, COO, Business Mashup/Partner Get.Next.Job    | 07 08 2009 11:23:02 +0000
Rating : +2 
Thanks so much for providing the humor, Mr. Ziz, but are you really that flexible? 
Rating : +4 
A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.....
  Commented by  Ajay Ziz, Dy. Registrar, university of jammu    | 07 08 2009 09:27:55 +0000
Rating : -1 
sorry uttered with curled lips by a southee  makes it "saarree" i.e traditional dress of indian females .

i am sorry!!! actually means , saarree i.e i can elongate myself to 9 gaj , so elastic & flexible i am::::
Nice post. 
  Commented by  Sanjay Kaushik, Resource, TalentEquity Solutions    | 07 08 2009 08:48:18 +0000
very well explained the power of saying sorry. Acceptance is the key. If you accept and take responsibility for all the wrong things done by you, instead of carry forward them along with the false ego. So realize today and say sorry to all the people today, infact now, whom you have hurted.

Good sharing Alka. Keep it up!!
  Commented by  sachin, REVENUE ANALYST, IKAN COMMUNICATIONS    | 07 08 2009 08:44:56 +0000
Right saying sorry is not too easy. And reason could be any. Some time ego clashes, and some times, it depends on person nature. If you have made mistake so it is always good to say sorry, bcz it gives you strength to accept your mistakes and power to rectify them...
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