| Topic : Personal Development |
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REALITIES OF LIFE
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Activity:
20 comments
641 views
last activity : 07 06 2010 20:18:04 +0000
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The art of saying 'sorry': an apology can be incredibly powerful—for you, as well as the recipient.
"I'm sorry." Why are those two little words so difficult to say? Perhaps it’s because they hold such power. An honest apology can mend relationships, dissolve anger, soothe shattered pride or heal a broken heart. Apologizing can even have health benefits, such as lowering stress levels. Meanwhile, avoiding an apology makes relationships more strained -- and it can reveal something negative about you.
There are three keys to a successful apology: regretting your actions, taking responsibility for them and being willing to remedy the situation.
If two parties are equally at fault, it's still up to one person to initiate an apology. "All you can do is take responsibility for your part,". But you can do so in a way that opens the door for the other person to apologize as well. For example, you might say, "I believe that we owe each other an apology and I'm going to start by saying I'm sorry for what I did wrong." In this case, you must also approach the situation without resentment, truly accept your part in it and be ready to forgive the other person.
There is a chance that, despite your apology, the other person is simply too upset over what's happened and isn't ready to let it go. So, it's important that you do not expect the other person to forgive you. "That's not your motive,". If your apology isn't accepted, try to take solace in the fact that you've done all you can, and hope that in time the other person will come around. If not, you'll still feel better for admitting your fault and for having had enough empathy to see how your actions have affected someone else.
Finally, don't apologize for something if you don't feel you're in the wrong. "Women especially have a tendency to over-apologize,". So please make sure you're actually responsible for a problem before you try to solve it with "I'm sorry."
Another time to stop? When the apology itself is harshly rebuked. "At that point, it's time to say, 'Yes, I did this, but this person isn't giving me any room at all,'". Taking a step back may seem like giving up on the relationship, but it isn't. Sometimes keeping quiet; after you've said all you can, is as powerful as speaking up.
Article by Maria Neuman
Los Angeles
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